Gay and lonley and not sure whats happening?

well, my experience has been, not much of an experience at all, i used to be a good looking guy who was hard working, and thought i found the perfect person, who turned out to be a addict disappointment, the other ones i got involved w/ were alki's that woke up and went to bed to one, so i thought making good friends with fat people was a good idea, till i realized their just as lonley as you are, and they want the same things, and when you don't give into their ideals they get selifish enough to try to blow you off, but come back anyway and still bug your life, they also become clingy, b/c they never had anything or dont have enough experience to know anything, so i started becoming friendless, so i come to realize everyones a user of some sort, and if their not, i give them the benefit of the doubt, i also have a criminal record that prevents me from the good jobs i used to get, i would like to work hard again, but i cant get involved, if i dont have any doors opening, so lately rolling with the punches, and i also created a river, or a lake in my mind, where people toss their dreams and inspirations my way, which i dont have any funds to invest in, or they go on, on a tangent about things that are wrong or what they want, and so i create this lake in my mind, and i try not to pay much attention to it at the time, so later, i fish out what they said was important, and flush the rest like a toliet, because if i take them too seriously at the time, i will prolly drive my ownself crazy, and considering i'm not working or cant find work, or no one will hire me, i'm tired of stressing myself out, i feel emotional less, i dont have any funds, except the little i get from sources which arent much, but somehow, im not sure if i feel depressed, somehow, i know what its like to be in jail, and when i hear people ***** in life, i say to myself, well compare that to jail, it doesnt even compare, any problems out here you can deal with, at least out here you have options, in jail you didnt, and you cried everyday for help, you cried in the shower, you stuff the pillow over your face at night, so no one would hear you, and people in life are bitching about the dumbest thing, so i tell myself, nothing in life can bring down, because at least im not in jail anymore, so sometimes, when i look at peoploe, all i see is a bunch of jens and i'm a wolf, i do know how to take advantage of a situation, but i never cross the line, infact i dont do anything, just seeing life with a new pair of eyes, well not sure why i said this much, i guess i just had to type something, oh well, we're all just one of many with different sorts of problems,